thanksgiving was fucking great. i was initially bummed because i thought nobody was coming, but then amanda said she would come & i realized that she is all i need at thanksgiving, because she’s really inspirational & important to me. & then etta revealed that she wanted to come too and the three of us made this perfect thanksgiving trifecta and it was just great. really magical in this way i can hardly describe.
& then i went to ali & colleen’s afterwards and that was fun too. i read everyone an amazing text that my sister sent me: “”i didn’t know what this song on my itunes was so i named it the dirty song by the pottymouths”-mom re: sublime’s what i got”. all the americans laughed heartily at that one but there were two rad israeli fags who didn’t catch the reference. so we all tried to sing that song for them & it was really funny listening to dignified gay people singing sublime for some very confused israeli dudes. but maybe you had to be there.
also there was a hideous hot-pink sparks-esque beverage being passed around. i drank some out of a crystal teacup because it was too hilarious not to. and now i am feeling it. blah! i could hardly sleep at all last night & today i feel really sick.
anyway, i read everyone some poems by the amazing lesbian native american poet chrystos that ali had picked out and i don’t know, it was a really fucking good thanksgiving. oh, and amanda & i saw a rainbow walking home from the mert through the graveyard. and i met a guy at the bus stop who told me all these stories about how he failed mechanic school: “i was always fallin’ asleep. the guy would be talkin’ about the crescent wrench for a whole hour! who could sit through that?”
1. immediately upon arrival had to clean up some goopy diarrhea-esque dog shit from the front step
2. it smelled awful even after i cleaned it (FUCK YOU DOGS OF LAWRENCEVILLE AND YOUR STUPID NEGLECTFUL OWNERS!!!!!!!!!!) so i dumped some baking soda on it
3. my boss’ driver, a mild-mannered middle-aged xtian lady, saw the baking soda and said, “geez! it looks like somebody spilled a bag of cocaine on your front step!”
4. while i was at lunch with nate we spotted a tough guy wearing a sleeveless neon green shirt. i said, “whoa, look at that guy!” and he totally heard me! we had a good laugh over that but i felt bad too.
5. a client, a very charming old-ish lady who’s really being put through the wringer, came to my desk and said, “can you type a letter for me?” i said sure. she said, “dear creditors: [her name] is tired of dealing with you. she has a cough, nausea, and upset stomach. please don’t bother her anymore.” she asked me to read it back and said, “better put in diarrhea, too.” then, with a flourish, she lit up a cigarette and i had to ask her politely not to smoke in the office.
6. she came back from her smoke break clutching a gigantic (like 3′ tall) teddy bear (guess where that came from). upon her request, i put it in an empty seat in the conference room, much to everyone’s delight.
7. a certain crazy store-owner whose name i will not mention was yelling, to no one in particular, “do you like baby dolls? do you like baby dolls?” i’m pretty sure she was talking to someone walking by, but the early-20’s law clerk dude answered, in the most scared and uncertain voice ever, “yes?”
this weekend was so weird and quiet and strange. spent it boyfriendless for the first time in a long time (his mom was visiting) & it was nice to have some time all to myself to explore and exist and be.
saturday was the garlickiest garlic bread ever, friends new and old, laughing until i squeaked, making a wallet (or beginning one, anyway), staying up late and falling asleep happy & content by myself in my tiny blue-green room.
on sunday i went to book ‘em before normal hours so i could get some work done for a few hours. on the ride home i decided to cut through the allegheny cemetery (blatantly ignoring the “NO BIKES” sign. yup, call the badass office and tell them to issue me a license…) (I’M BEING SARCASTIC) and it was fucking so incredibly gorgeous i thought i was gonna fall right off my bike. that place in autumn is FUCKING BEAUTIFUL! the most beautiful place in pittsburgh!
i disturbed a flock of ravens, by accident, with my pedaling & they all took off & i was surrounded by hundreds of birds in flight. it was fucking magic.
and then i made s’mores on my stovetop and then went to the laundromat. i sat on the stoop of a pizza place while my clothes were in the drier, sewing my wallet and enjoying the sun on my face. the pizza place was closed (or so i thought), making it a prime place to sit in the sun like a wayward senior citizen (or so i thought!)
but, a guy needed to get in, so i jumped up, kinda startled. when i put my left foot down, i was like “ow” and went to investigate. i saw a huge sewing needle sticking out of my shoe, so i pulled it out. i put my left foot down again and it still hurt. upon closer inspection, i’d stepped on TWO needles at once, one of which had snapped and was impaled in my shoe & was impossible to pull out with my bare hands.
so, i called pino 911 and she came with a bag full of pliers and saved the day. god, i love that woman. we took a walk and talked about life. we were hugging goodbye a few hours later & talking about making dinner. a guy wearing a stars-and-stripes jogging suit was staring at us & pino jokingly said, “what, ya wanna come to dinner too?” he yelled, “i dunno, what’s good?” “everything i make is good!” “oh yeah, like what?” “like liver and onions!” “liver and onions, huh? how do ya make that?” and he wouldn’t leave until pino explained, in detail, how to make liver & onions. i lurked in the background cuz i didn’t want to leave her alone with this insane man. finally he was satisfied and walked down the street. as he passed me he made eye contact, looking at ME like i was the crazy one, and sneered, “you can go back to your girlfriend now,” !!! what a weirdo. i texted pino about it once i got home and she replied with something like, “that’s the last time i talk to a stranger wearing gym clothes.” ha!
p.s. OMG, like, seventeen magazine is hatin’ on FTMs. you should check it out. totally fucked up & minorly surprising, as both teen people and cosmogirl! had positive articles on trannies in the past few years. oh well. write them, or not, it probably won’t make a real difference but i guess it’s good to be aware of, or something…
of me, my sister & my mom this weekend. at the warhol, duh. i’m holding a sign that says “i suck” but you can’t see it. my mom’s glasses are tilted because i accidentally knocked them off in our mad dash to fit in the photobooth before the flash went off. 
this weekend was really fun & good. sometimes i forget that my mom is actually a very fun, interesting lady. it was sunny and we did all sorts of fun things and i felt loved and appreciated, which is rare when it comes to my family.
more later, with pictures, if i feel like it.
so last month ray & i took a strange midwestern roadtrip & i am finally putting some pics on the interweb.
![DSCN0840[1]](http://agingriotgrrrl.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dscn08401.jpg?w=419&h=314 "DSCN0840[1]")
we found this hilarious bisexual porn at an I-70 porn shop (called, hilariously, “the lion’s den”) and i wanted to take pictures of us reading it everywhere, but it quickly got lost in the car & i forgot. so this is the only pic of me reading it, in a state park in ohio where we camped out.
![DSCN0849[1]](http://agingriotgrrrl.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dscn08491.jpg?w=419&h=314 "DSCN0849[1]")
this is ray in columbus, oh. sorry i didn’t rotate it.
![DSCN0850[1]](http://agingriotgrrrl.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dscn08501.jpg?w=419&h=314 "DSCN0850[1]")
this is also in columbus, oh, maybe a few minutes after taking the previous picture. so much kissing!
![DSCN0854[1]](http://agingriotgrrrl.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dscn08541.jpg?w=419&h=314 "DSCN0854[1]")
this is me in indianapolis, in, in relentless search of vegetarian food. it’s hard to find in indiana (a state that neither of us liked)
![DSCN0892[1]](http://agingriotgrrrl.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dscn08921.jpg?w=419&h=314 "DSCN0892[1]")
yo, did you know that the (AMAZING) community center in urbana, which hosts its local prison book program, which of course we visited because we’re giant dorks, has a freaking COSTUME ROOM?!!? omg! it is so much more fun packing books whilst wearing a bridal veil & sequinned wrap, and when your boyfriend looks like a big gay cowboy wearing sparkly clip-on earings. hurrah!
not pictured:
*wingnuts in indianapolis
*totally cute boy we became friends with at an ice cream shop in columbus
*amazing thrift scores at ohio thrift (the boardgame girl talk, a perfect skirt, a baseball hat for elmer’s glue, rubber stamps of all the bones in a skeleton, more…)
*delicious vegetarian food
*endless sweet people
*bumping into my old housemate caroline nappo, who i haven’t seen in 7 years
etc, etc, etc. i really want to travel more now. my itchy traveling foot needs some calomine.
IN UNRELATED NEWS:
*i’m at the lawrenceville library & it’s official, it’s closing next summer. : ( : ( : ( the guy at the desk told me so. he said, “but maybe we can do something about it. there ain’t no use crying over spilled milk–once it’s actually spilled, then we’ll cry” and it was oddly touching.
and,
*my mom is in a commercial! she’s the blonde woman wearing glasses, sniffing some tomatoes & looking mildly crazed. ha ha ha. i just talked about it with mumzy last night & apparently the commercial was directed by morgan spurlock of “super size me” fame. also, the woman at the very end of the commercial, looking skeptical, is the new principal of my old high school. who knew? certainly not me.
warning! the following post is not amanda safe! it features graphic depictions of a certain lovable curmudgeon that you’d rather just imagine. if you are amanda, please redirect your energies to something that you wanna see, like this!
anyway. at work, we’re trying to authenticate a jackson pollock painting. the law clerk, m., made some comment about how anyone could make a splatter-y painting. “let’s see you do it,” said my boss. at first we thought he was kidding, but he went on and on about it (this was on wednesday). “next monday, [ocean] will bring in her camera and a drop cloth, and i’ll bring in some housepaints. m. will bring in a canvas, and he’ll paint us a pollock!”
so, monday came, M. and i brought in the requested items. we did a normal day’s work and then at about 4:15, my boss said, “[ocean], didn’t you bring any beer in today?” “uh, no.” “M. needs some beer! All artists need beer!” So M. went to the bar down the street to buy a 6-pack. then he changed into his painting clothes. i took a picture of him sitting at his computer to show his law-school classmates about how hard he’s working this summer:
while M. was setting up in the backyard, about one beer into this process, i noticed that he hadn’t closed the front door proplerly & it had blown open (everyone does that! grr!) and i complained to my boss briefly. “he’s already drunk,” sniffed my boss.
and then M. got set everything up in the backyard and everyone shuffled out to watch him paint.
“you should haul in a psychiatrist to analyze what M’s REALLY saying,” i said.
“i was a psychology major,” said my boss. he stared at the splatters for a long time. “he has an aversion to military service,” he concluded.
also, another attorney came by to pick up some paper and was barely able to conceal his disgust with all of us for being so unprofessional and wasting company time! ha!
everyone’s gone home and i’m still in the office. they all left over an hour ago. i was going to use the internet time after work today to search for a better-paying job, but i just can’t.
i spent nearly all of yesterday being angry with people i love for their inability to see the big picture, the focus on completely petty details, the complete & utter unwillingness to change for the better. the endless whining, the wheels spinning in the mud when a little brutally honest self-examination, and a commitment to do the hard and unglamorous work of real change could really go a long way. but no, why would anyone want to do that?
i am just frustrated. frustrated at my own complacency & tiredness just as much, if not more, as anyone else’s. no, i don’t wanna (re-)join facebook so i can read everyone’s status updates while my novel goes unwritten. i don’t want to play a video-game version of a farm when real farms are dying. why is this so hard for people to understand?
i am lucky that i have a few friends who unquestionably Get It. lucky that i have a cute lover who will let me read derrick jensen to him as he soaks the dirt off his body in my clawfoot bathtub. in these steam-filled moments, in those curry-and-kale moments surrounded by greenery with the noise of the freight train wafting in, i am happy. but those moments are just moments. good & life-sustaining & beautiful, but just moments nonetheless.
me and ray, on his 23rd birthday, at a lake in butler county. there was a big sign posted that said “NO INDECENT OR IMMORAL BEHAVIOR”. aren’t we indecent just by existing, though?
char & ian at the lake.
unfortunately, they didn’t have “bisexual auto parts”, so this was the best i could do!
oh, did you know that yesterday i got my first tattoo in 8 years? and that it was a tattoo i’ve wanted for nearly a decade now? and that it was done in my kitchen by a very lovely dyke tattoo artist? well, now you do.
cackling through the pain. everyone there was really funny. robin said, “i’m trying to tattoo you in between laughs!” amanda said, “me and pino are trying to tell jokes in between tattooing!”
amanda & pino alternated holding my hands.
a different perspective!
me & robin the tattoo artist, done for the day. she’s gonna fill in the typester in a few weeks. huzzah! i’ll post close-up pics when it heals a little more. it was a really good night, full of love for the ladiez in my life.
on monday i was hanging out with my AMAZING middle-aged-butch-dyke, cranky-genius, cuban-refugee-via-ny-and-sf-turned-lawrenceville-homeowner, pino. we had a good, strange night hanging out, and in the course of that night, she was successfully able to define the term “hipster”! people are always struggling to define that term, but coming up short. nobody can quite put their finger on it. until pino.
“a hipster,” she proclaimed, “is somebody you don’t like.” then we shrieked with laughter. it’s so true!
sunday was my 5 year anniversary of quitting smoking. i would still do anything for a damn cigarette. well, obviously, i could just walk to the corner store right now and buy a pack. there’s nothing physically stopping me from doing it. but i can’t. maybe you know why & maybe you don’t.
last night i was going to go to bed in defeat but kelsey & amanda did a drop-in. one bad thing about the drop-in was that i left all manner of inappropriate shit laying around and i think they saw it all. sorry! but other than that it was good. we all cuddled in my hammock under the stars (i initially, accidentally, typed “stores”) and told stories about our day and i felt very loved and taken care of, both by them and the universe.
sitting on the runway of the pittsburgh international airport, ray asked me a question i can’t remember now, but my answer was, “no, new york is like that girl who broke my heart so bad. but i still love her.” he smiled at me sympathetically and then the plane took off.
i didn’t spend too much time in the city because it made me too sad & there was no time–we didn’t go to manhattan for even a second, just stayed on the long island/brooklyn side of things. my dad picked us up from the airport in his wood-paneled station wagon, we went back to the psychotically clean house that used to be mine, we ate cupcakes & giggled with my sister. we stayed at my mom’s house because i don’t want my dad to know i’m dating a boy since it would make him think that i’m “cured” in terms of queerness, and nothing could be further from the truth.
anyway. i like having someone to show oyster bay to; someone to kiss on the winding wall over the bay that my friends and i used to run on in junior high; someone new to laugh at my mom’s non sequiturs and my dad’s drunken stories. a lot of genuinely hilarious things happened, but i don’t think they’d be all that entertaining to read about on a blog.
my plane ticket was totally worth the price for this picture alone:
it’s me and my siblings jumping in the field of our old middle school, which is right behind the house we all grew up in.
and this:
and this:
i have more pics uploaded at my flickr page if anyone’s interested. now i am back home and glad to be here. pittsburgh is hot and muggy and manageable, and i’m just enjoying the quiet.
