oh, the humanity.


i’ve decided it’s fall because i am tired of waiting. my goals for the fall are:
1. figure out what is going on with my heart (literally, my heart, not a metaphor for how i feel about relationships.)
2. get back into therapy
3. learn how to drive.
4. eat more s’mores.

i am doing well on #1 and #4. i have not even started #2 or #3. oh well. a beating heart is way more important than a driver’s license. i did not accomplish either of my goals for the summer, which were “get rid of backne” and “stop being embarrassing.” i think i am a lot less embarrassing, but that’s just because i quit drinking, not because i fundamentally changed. quitting drinking, incidentally, is great. it’s changed my life for the better for sure. quitting coffee has been atrocious, but i have no choice. i didn’t accomplish much of anything this summer. i hardly made out at all, i didn’t do a lot of fun stuff. i had a few good days & nights, i read a lot of good books & hopefully wrote a good book. mostly i was just aimless and depressed and/or despondent.
on a lighter note, i would like to share some highlights from my favorite police blotter of all time:
6:07 p.m., Columbia — A woman on the 21800 block of Sawmill Flat Road
was angry because her 2-year-old daughter returned home from a weekend with her father and had a “mullet” haircut.

1:46 p.m., Valley Springs — Nearby residents were “unappreciative” of a
male sitting on the hood of a vehicle and playing a guitar at Messing Road and Highway 12.

7:21 a.m., Lake Don Pedro — A man said he was kidnapped from Fremont and
brought to Fleming Meadows on Bonds Flat Road. He then said he voluntarily came up but he felt lured there under false pretenses.

Midnight, Columbia — A woman on the 10900 block of Green Street said she
swallowed gum and was very nervous about the situation.

11:55 a.m., Tuolumne area — A woman on the 15100 block of Mountain Lily
Road said she was selling her couch online and received eight $100 bills from “Bruse Willis.” The money was determined to be counterfeit.

6:20 p.m., Big Oak Flat area — A woman said her ex-girlfriend’s mother
threatened to have her killed following an argument on the 17500 block of Highway 120 over exercise equipment.

1:39 p.m., information report — A caller left a voicemail saying she received a piece of metal that looked like a quarter sometime over the past two weeks and did not know where, or when, she received the piece of metal.

i love this. i’ve been to this region before (rural tuloumne county, ca) and it is every bit as wacky as the police reports make it out to be.


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