and until then, and forever, i’m proud to be associated with you.

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oh man, i was totally not ready for winter. riding my bike down the sharp drop of stanton ave this morning, the saliva was blown out of my mouth & the tears from my eyes. winter biking is so sucky. ever since i moved to pgh, people have been congratulating me on being a winter biker, which is a nice ego inflation but really, it never occurred to me to stop. it’s not like i will magically get a car and the ability to drive it once the mercury plunges below 32. instead my whole perspective changes: going up a hill, previously a sweaty chore, is now a body-warming delight. going down a hill, once a fun way to get home, is now a literal slap in the face. it’s all about the layering, and about having friends who still love you no matter how much snot is covering your face when you arrive at their house.
i thought i’d escaped the november blah’s but i think they were just late in coming. (i know i misused an apostrophe in that previous sentence, but for some reason it looks right that way.) today i’m sick and weepy at work. i am craving plums, even though i haven’t had a plum in years (picture me singing “hey lover” by LL cool j, but substituting the word “plum”: “i can’t believe it/i haven’t had a crush in years”). too bad i live in lawrenceville, and am shit out of luck when it comes to fresh produce, as are many residents of low-income urban neighborhoods in america. it’s not surprising, but that doesn’t mean i can’t stand in the vegetable aisle, fingering endless mounds of wilted kale, and get enraged. the cold makes it hard for me to bend my fingers or hold a pen, even though my hands and wrists have gotten way better in the past few months. i feel old & decrepit.
i stayed up way too late last night watching “american beauty”. i loved that movie in high school, so much so that i skipped work to watch it in the theatre with a crush-girl & it was one of the best days back then. the movie energized us, made us grateful for our stupid lives. we went to the mall afterwards and she breakdanced in old navy & i loved her so much. i loved making those fake-nailed mall-dwellers confused, loved making them stare, because we were alive goddamnit! but watching it again nine years later i just criticized. i got angry at the ubiquity of the white male heterosexual viewpoint in movies. i only made it halfway through before i got too sleepy, and i recall the second half is much better, so maybe i just haven’t gotten to the good stuff yet. still, hating that movie also made me feel old & decrepit.

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One response »

  1. Kudos. Riding in the winter does make you tough. I myself opt for the couple of times a week now, because I am not sure that my tires could handle the ice on the road, I am too cheap and lazy to change them, and I worry that breathing in cold air actually keeps this persistent quasi-cold circulating and alive in my system.

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