Monthly Archives: April 2009

busted tires, hilarious teens!


so two days ago i was riding my bike down butler st., headed for my stupid-ass job, when i rode over an industrial-strength staple that handily punctured my tire. my bike shuddered so much upon impact i almost got thrown off, and i staggered to the side of the road, my “fuck fuck FUCK” complaints nearly as loud as the HIIIIIIISSSSSSSS coming from my poor lil’ tube.

but every cloud has a silver lining, because i hiked up the hill to the 54c and encountered my buddy five at the bus stop. the bus took forever to come, but that’s okay, because the following hilarious thing happened.

a school bus full of junior high kids was stopped at a red light. as is customary, the whole bus started heckling everyone on the street. a few teen girls (probably between the ages of 12-14) focused on us. one of them yelled, “hey, is that your brother?” pointing at five. i said no. her friend said, “oh, is he gonna hit it then?” me & fivey burst into hysterical giggles at the idea of us doing it, and then when we recovered, i yelled, “nope, we’re both gay!” the two girls looked at each other in surprise. they yelled something i couldn’t hear. then the light turned green and i waved my hand exaggeratedly, yelling, “it was so nice talking to you! thanks a lot!!” and they waved back in kind of a confused way. oh MAN! so funny. i love fucking with teenagers’ heads.

in other news, last night i finally visited oh yeah! with ray. i’ve been hearing so much about oh yeah! and all of it is true. we shared a belgian waffle with cookie dough and soy ice cream and it was AMAZING and i can’t stop thinking about it. now i understand the slavish devotion.

in other news, tomorrow i am 27! wow.

hello ohio, hello ex-cons


cleveland was super-fun. i’ll write more about it when i have the pictures up. for now, i will say it was all about one really good drag show, one really bad drag show, giggling with leah, huge trees, huge meals, telling stories, etc. leah had to go build a set for the play she was in on saturday so i took the bus downtown by myself, read zines at the public library and then walked around in the sunshine, thinking about how much i love exploring new cities & how little i get to do that.
yesterday i came home. the on-board bus bathroom was smeared with shit and there were two men talking loudly about their stupid lives (“my boss, he’s, uh, how do you say, a real weirdo. he likes watching his wife have sex….with other WOMEN!”). i mostly sewed & listened to music & looked out the window & thought about all the lives i could be living. i wonder about you, ohio.
book ’em was really fun. there was a noted lack of domestic violence, just a whole bunch of new guys who were all really funny and nice. one tall awkward one said to me, with tears in his eyes, “thank you for doing this. it means so much; you don’t even know,” and it was really poignant and sweet and a reminder of why i do this; because i was really starting to doubt my commitment to the cause.
also another guy asked if i was a “goth chick” (while i was wearing bright colors & no makeup) & generally antagonized me (in a flirty way, not in a vicious way) until he found out that i’ve been doing this for 8 years. then he got really nice and friendly and when he left he yelled, “ocean! you a baaaaaaad mamma jamma!” and we slapped fives.
also, there were a whole bunch of earnest young anarchists upstairs listening to a talk about the uprising in bolivia. one of the cons was like, “is that an AA meeting up there?” and amanda said no and explained what it was. later, at the end of the talk, everyone clapped, and the same guy said, “oh, somebody musta earned a chip!” oh, bookem.

i lost my glasses!


like, seriously. this morning i was changing shirts, so i could go to work. took off my glasses. put them somewhere. wandered into the bathroom in search of my bra. put it on, put on cleaner less stinky shirt, found hoodie on the floor. no more glasses! where are my glasses? where the fuck did i put my glasses? fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
fortunately i am one step ahead of myself. and although i couldn’t remember where i’d placed my glasses 30 seconds before, i did remember where i put my old pair when i moved into this house six months ago, just in case something like this happened. they were waiting for me, patiently. they’re light & small. they make me look boring. i cut my hair so that it looked good with my big old glasses, and with these small subtle ones it looks fucking stupid. i feel crazy. i feel stupid. i feel like a goddamn dumbass.
i am working entirely too much and it’s making me nuts. i’m sure the ungodly amounts of sugar i have been consuming lately isn’t helping much either. saturday i finally get a day off, and i will hopefully be springboarding onto a new adventure.