f you, american health care system.

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i’ve been in lots of pain all week with a truly relentless uti. at least, that’s what i assumed it was, so i took the herbs i always take when i get uti’s (about once a year). but it’s not going away, which makes me fearful that it’s something a little more serious. i actually took yesterday off work, which i never do, and i actually made a doctor’s appointment, which i also never do. the only halfway decent clinic for uninsured people in my city is 8 extremely hilly, traffic-y miles away–not exactly the kind of bike ride i would want to make even under the best of circumstances, and certainly not now. they also can’t see me until friday. fortunately, i have a sweet boyfriend who is totally willing to ditch work that morning, get up all early, and drive me there. i’m so lucky. i’ve never really had partners who’ve taken care of me when i’m sick before (either due to the long-distance nature of our relationship or the fact that they were self-involved assholes, or both) and, wow. it makes such a huge difference.
it’s interesting cuz my partner is from a more privileged class background than i am, and is also significantly younger than me and hasn’t really been through the wringer yet, in terms of really struggling financially & not having health insurance. and it’s weird to see how upset he gets that i can’t get healthcare–way more than i do, because i’m used to it, and was fully expecting to go through lots of bullshit, pay a lot of money, and not actually be helped significantly (or, if i am helped, wait a long long long time for that help). and that’s exactly what’s happening, and he is so taken aback and upset by it. and i had kind of forgotten that anyone anywhere expects to be taken care of when they’re sick in a timely fashion and not linger for days in severe pain because the sliding-scale clinic is totally overbooked and you really don’t want to pay three hundred bucks for a few urine and blood tests at the clinic in your neighborhood.
it’s interesting, what i have settled for, what millions of people settle for. it breaks my heart thinking of everyone who’s sick for years with no insurance and just puts up with it. chronic conditions, chronic pain. it makes me fucking crazy thinking about how one of my really good friends died when she was 25 and if she had access to healthcare that would not have happened. they would have caught the cancer in time & she would still be here. it makes me so fucking angry that my boss gives his bitch of a 41-year-old daughter health insurance, but he won’t give me any, even though i am significantly nicer to him than she is, and way more productive, and way smarter and cooler and more mature. [i realize this may sound like i’m just patting myself on the back here, but really just about anyone is smarter and cooler and more mature than this crazy fucking bitch.] [i almost never call women bitches, but she is a crazy fucking bitch and there is no other way to describe her.]
anyway. i am done, for now.

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