last night i dreamed of organic hummus & aluminum water bottles. today i feel boring.

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it’s gray out, my empty p.o. box is making me bite my nails, i already hate what i brought for lunch today and i haven’t even eaten it, i need a change. i got to work an hour early today so i could take positive steps to change my life; using the computer and printer for resumes and applications.
in work news, at job #1 we have a new guy who i initially thought might be okay, but he pisses on the toilet seat! totally not okay, ever, if you’re not a quadriplegic or something. also, he revealed yesterday that he’s anti-choice. i think he is going to be the straw breaking the camel’s back when it comes to this job–there are many things going on here that are far worse than working with a douche-y law student, but i think that it’s going to finally be my impetus to leave. i’ve been at this job for 18 months! that’s the longest i’ve held a job since 2000.
in other work news, i am 90% positive that i work with an ex-gay at job #2! i had long since suspected that he was an ex-gay, since he is very gay-acting but mentions his wife frequently. but on saturday i was eavesdropping on a conversation he was having on the phone. he chatted with this client long after he was done giving her the survey, like literally 20 minutes after. i could only hear his side of the conversation, but at one point it went like this, “no……no, i’m married……yeah…….yes, i did that a long time ago, and it cost me, um, a very good friendship, and hurt a lot of feelings, but it just wasn’t me…….i don’t want to be around those people, but unfortunately i have to interact with them when i’m out in the world……..yeah, that behavior is offensive to me.” !!!!!!!!!!!!! i was flabbergasted. totally shocked! i did not think that young-ish, educated people were ex-gays.
incidentally, i am terrified that people think that my boyfriend & i are ex-gays, just because we both look and act fairly gay, yet we’re together. when people learn that he’s trans, it all makes sense, but he passes extremely well and 95% of people–even other trans people–have absolutely no fucking clue. although we are pretty fucking cute and happy and most ex-gay couples are pretty mismatched and miserable. probably nobody thinks that we’re ex-gays and i am just being paranoid, but it’s cause to fret nonetheless.
lately i swing wildly between being madly in love with this city and wanting to grow old here & wanting to leave immediately. i’d say it’s 75% in the first category and 25% in the second.
i am craving garlic today. freshly-chopped and sizzling in a cast iron skillet. just the smell and the sight more than actually eating it. it’s weird.

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