Monthly Archives: July 2009

total void, tells me stories. sometimes they make me sorry.


i spent nearly all of yesterday being angry with people i love for their inability to see the big picture, the focus on completely petty details, the complete & utter unwillingness to change for the better. the endless whining, the wheels spinning in the mud when a little brutally honest self-examination, and a commitment to do the hard and unglamorous work of real change could really go a long way. but no, why would anyone want to do that?
i am just frustrated. frustrated at my own complacency & tiredness just as much, if not more, as anyone else’s. no, i don’t wanna (re-)join facebook so i can read everyone’s status updates while my novel goes unwritten. i don’t want to play a video-game version of a farm when real farms are dying. why is this so hard for people to understand?
i am lucky that i have a few friends who unquestionably Get It. lucky that i have a cute lover who will let me read derrick jensen to him as he soaks the dirt off his body in my clawfoot bathtub. in these steam-filled moments, in those curry-and-kale moments surrounded by greenery with the noise of the freight train wafting in, i am happy. but those moments are just moments. good & life-sustaining & beautiful, but just moments nonetheless.


hi guyz! my tattoo is healed up enough to post a close-up picture, here it is!

jay kay. that is actually a picture i found on the interweb, on a bad tattoos website, that rendered me helpless with laughter for like ten fucking minutes.

here is the real deal:

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also, here is a fake sparrow tattoo that ray drew on my arm. i want to get a real one that is sort of like this, as a memorial to my dead homegirl axi. so ray tried to draw one and got this semi-hilarious result. look at the expression on that bird’s face!!
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a few random things.


QUOTE OF THE DAY: “if i were a $54,000.00 check, where would i be?” -my boss after, that’s right, losing a check that is worth more than all the money i will make for the next five years probably. it was in the garbage can, of course.

NAME OF THE WEEK: yesterday at work (my other job) i had to call a woman whose legal name is Princess Roache! SO GOOD.

1. “i freak myself out sometimes”
2. “how to be more light hearted”
3. “i was sick for a week and my boss is mad”
4. “admit your shit”
5. “new york” (really? out of all the things on the internet surely written about new york, this thing comes up?)

my tattoo looks good. it looks like it shoulda been there my whole life, like i shoulda been born with it. definitely worth the 9-year wait!

pictiorial documentation of the past few days


me and ray, on his 23rd birthday, at a lake in butler county. there was a big sign posted that said “NO INDECENT OR IMMORAL BEHAVIOR”. aren’t we indecent just by existing, though?

char & ian at the lake.

unfortunately, they didn’t have “bisexual auto parts”, so this was the best i could do!

oh, did you know that yesterday i got my first tattoo in 8 years? and that it was a tattoo i’ve wanted for nearly a decade now? and that it was done in my kitchen by a very lovely dyke tattoo artist? well, now you do.
cackling through the pain. everyone there was really funny. robin said, “i’m trying to tattoo you in between laughs!” amanda said, “me and pino are trying to tell jokes in between tattooing!”

amanda & pino alternated holding my hands.

a different perspective!

me & robin the tattoo artist, done for the day. she’s gonna fill in the typester in a few weeks. huzzah! i’ll post close-up pics when it heals a little more. it was a really good night, full of love for the ladiez in my life.

cracking the code, pt. 2


on monday i was hanging out with my AMAZING middle-aged-butch-dyke, cranky-genius, cuban-refugee-via-ny-and-sf-turned-lawrenceville-homeowner, pino. we had a good, strange night hanging out, and in the course of that night, she was successfully able to define the term “hipster”! people are always struggling to define that term, but coming up short. nobody can quite put their finger on it. until pino.

“a hipster,” she proclaimed, “is somebody you don’t like.” then we shrieked with laughter. it’s so true!

sunday was my 5 year anniversary of quitting smoking. i would still do anything for a damn cigarette. well, obviously, i could just walk to the corner store right now and buy a pack. there’s nothing physically stopping me from doing it. but i can’t. maybe you know why & maybe you don’t.

last night i was going to go to bed in defeat but kelsey & amanda did a drop-in. one bad thing about the drop-in was that i left all manner of inappropriate shit laying around and i think they saw it all. sorry! but other than that it was good. we all cuddled in my hammock under the stars (i initially, accidentally, typed “stores”) and told stories about our day and i felt very loved and taken care of, both by them and the universe.