total void, tells me stories. sometimes they make me sorry.


i spent nearly all of yesterday being angry with people i love for their inability to see the big picture, the focus on completely petty details, the complete & utter unwillingness to change for the better. the endless whining, the wheels spinning in the mud when a little brutally honest self-examination, and a commitment to do the hard and unglamorous work of real change could really go a long way. but no, why would anyone want to do that?
i am just frustrated. frustrated at my own complacency & tiredness just as much, if not more, as anyone else’s. no, i don’t wanna (re-)join facebook so i can read everyone’s status updates while my novel goes unwritten. i don’t want to play a video-game version of a farm when real farms are dying. why is this so hard for people to understand?
i am lucky that i have a few friends who unquestionably Get It. lucky that i have a cute lover who will let me read derrick jensen to him as he soaks the dirt off his body in my clawfoot bathtub. in these steam-filled moments, in those curry-and-kale moments surrounded by greenery with the noise of the freight train wafting in, i am happy. but those moments are just moments. good & life-sustaining & beautiful, but just moments nonetheless.


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