Monthly Archives: November 2009

Standard

thanksgiving was fucking great. i was initially bummed because i thought nobody was coming, but then amanda said she would come & i realized that she is all i need at thanksgiving, because she’s really inspirational & important to me. & then etta revealed that she wanted to come too and the three of us made this perfect thanksgiving trifecta and it was just great. really magical in this way i can hardly describe.
& then i went to ali & colleen’s afterwards and that was fun too. i read everyone an amazing text that my sister sent me: “”i didn’t know what this song on my itunes was so i named it the dirty song by the pottymouths”-mom re: sublime’s what i got”. all the americans laughed heartily at that one but there were two rad israeli fags who didn’t catch the reference. so we all tried to sing that song for them & it was really funny listening to dignified gay people singing sublime for some very confused israeli dudes. but maybe you had to be there.

also there was a hideous hot-pink sparks-esque beverage being passed around. i drank some out of a crystal teacup because it was too hilarious not to. and now i am feeling it. blah! i could hardly sleep at all last night & today i feel really sick.

anyway, i read everyone some poems by the amazing lesbian native american poet chrystos that ali had picked out and i don’t know, it was a really fucking good thanksgiving. oh, and amanda & i saw a rainbow walking home from the mert through the graveyard. and i met a guy at the bus stop who told me all these stories about how he failed mechanic school: “i was always fallin’ asleep. the guy would be talkin’ about the crescent wrench for a whole hour! who could sit through that?”

the following things happened at work today

Standard

1. immediately upon arrival had to clean up some goopy diarrhea-esque dog shit from the front step

2. it smelled awful even after i cleaned it (FUCK YOU DOGS OF LAWRENCEVILLE AND YOUR STUPID NEGLECTFUL OWNERS!!!!!!!!!!) so i dumped some baking soda on it

3. my boss’ driver, a mild-mannered middle-aged xtian lady, saw the baking soda and said, “geez! it looks like somebody spilled a bag of cocaine on your front step!”

4. while i was at lunch with nate we spotted a tough guy wearing a sleeveless neon green shirt. i said, “whoa, look at that guy!” and he totally heard me! we had a good laugh over that but i felt bad too.

5. a client, a very charming old-ish lady who’s really being put through the wringer, came to my desk and said, “can you type a letter for me?” i said sure. she said, “dear creditors: [her name] is tired of dealing with you. she has a cough, nausea, and upset stomach. please don’t bother her anymore.” she asked me to read it back and said, “better put in diarrhea, too.” then, with a flourish, she lit up a cigarette and i had to ask her politely not to smoke in the office.

6. she came back from her smoke break clutching a gigantic (like 3′ tall) teddy bear (guess where that came from). upon her request, i put it in an empty seat in the conference room, much to everyone’s delight.

7. a certain crazy store-owner whose name i will not mention was yelling, to no one in particular, “do you like baby dolls? do you like baby dolls?” i’m pretty sure she was talking to someone walking by, but the early-20’s law clerk dude answered, in the most scared and uncertain voice ever, “yes?”

since i get enough hits for “bad tattoos” anyway…

Standard

so, it was a slow week at work, as my boss was at trial. luckily, one of my friends just started working here so we had lots of fun just goofing off on the clock. we came up with the idea to google “bad tattoos” and giggle at the skin carnage all over the internet.
here are the best tattoos i’ve come across in those long, lonely hours; and i humbly share them with you, dear readers.

and, the most bizarrely genius one of them all:

i want to be this person’s friend. and eat a tofu pup with them. the end.

anxiety & bikes

Standard

so. it’s official. after nine years of rabid urban bicycling i’m too scared to ride my bike.
i don’t know what brought this on. nothing brought it on. everything brought it on. i haven’t ridden for nearly a week, but today i had to, because i’m working in oakland, at my stupid job that i hate that i got a year ago today & was so so happy about. there’s no reliable, convenient public transit from where i live to where i work. there is public transit but it would take roughly an hour to go about three miles. so i said fuck it. because i believe in facing my fears. in not letting fear win. i made it about 6 blocks, to 47th & butler, before a school bus came up from behind me, roaring, tons & tons & tons of indifferent metal. nothing that hasn’t happened thousands of times before.
but this time i wasn’t brave enough. so i pulled over to the side of the road. i knew i wasn’t just going to let it pass and keep on going. i pulled onto the sidewalk & stepped off, shaking. i’m not brave enough anymore.
so i walked here, to the library. up & up the hill, looking to all the pedestrians like some stupid weak girl who couldn’t make it up the hill on a bike, like i have to push it. i know i can do it, physically, but i can’t, mentally. it took every ounce of strength & composure i may have left to not just throw my fucking bike to the floor and weep, right there.
so is this it? do i give myself up to the cruel mistress of public transit? do i give up on the idea that i can get places when i want to go to them, on my schedule. do i ignore the voice inside of me saying “don’t do it, you’ll get killed” and then get killed because i want to do what i want when i want to? is that worth dying for? once i would have said, inarguably, yes. yes it is. now i’m not so certain.
& the worst part is, i don’t know when i’m being intuitive & when i’m just being crazy. when i’m saving my life vs. when i’m ruining it. they look & feel & sound the same.