yesterday was truly the strangest day i’ve had in a while. it wasn’t a big strange thing, just about a dozen tiny strange things, ranging from finding a giant box of candy on the street in front of a speakeasy at 2 am to having someone call the front desk at my job and asking, “umm…where did i just call?” it felt like the universe was weird again, like my life was full of strange possibility. i stayed up past midnight for the first time in, like, months (seriously).
sister spit came into town & i was pretty underwhelmed, honestly. i did genuinely enjoy lenelle moise & that guy who used to be in tribe 8 (uhh….silas? his name escapes me). one performer did a performance that pissed me off so much. she shared a cutely-illustrated-yet-pointless story about a karaoke bar; and one of the stories main points was “a woman was stabbed there.” & the audience seemed to think this was hilarious! what. the. fuck. i wanted to stand up and yell, “IT’S NOT FUNNY. it’s really not fucking funny when a woman is stabbed, & hanging out at a bar where such things happen doesn’t make you cool or edgy. it makes you a voyeur to other people’s misery. & congrats on turning this shitty thing that happened to someone whose life is probably really fucked up into something for white hipsters a continent away to snicker at.” i dunno, maybe if the rest of what she had to say was brilliant it wouldn’t have rankled so much, but it was all pretty similarly mediocre. oh well.
i had a better entry in my head this morning, but it all fell out somewhere else. now i’m reeling with low blood sugar, with my lips unkissed for an hour which feels like years & years. truthfully, i am confused & strange these days. don’t know what i want or where. don’t know how to escape but know i have to. i miss my old backyard with the tall weeds; i don’t miss the drunken loneliness but i do miss laying in the hammock, surrounded in green, knowing that things would get better, someday.