i haven’t danced in so long.

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hello friends. lately i’ve been doing stuff i swore i’d never do, like yesterday. we actually got the interweb at home! i usually avoid such things, because i have very addictive behavior towards the internet and every time i have easy access to it, i don’t really do much else with my life. however, since, a) my job blocks my email and i do need to check that on occasion, b) i’m no longer on any social networking websites (well, active ones, anyway–my myspace profile is still alive & well, as is my friendster) and c) i’m really not doing much with my life anyway at the moment, we decided to bite the damn bullet and get it. it came with a landline, which i’m ridiculously excited about. i’ve seriously wanted a landline for years and years, but it never worked out. hooray!
anyway, now i’m writing a blog entry from my living room, for the first time (for this particular blog, anyway). i have the day off work because it’s primary election day & it’s my first weekday off since february where i’m in town & feeling well, so i’m gonna apply for a passport & get tattooed at o’ryan’s house and maybe chop all of my hair off again. i don’t know who am kidding, trying to be a longhair.
work is pretty draining. the situation i’m in isn’t super terrible, per se, it’s just alienating & boring & everything i don’t want to be doing. i feel so, so much like i’m in high school again! except i get paid, and i am drowning out my classmates/co-workers voices with an ipod instead of a cassette walkman. it still feels just as good to blast “white boy” by bikini kill after listening to stupid white men drone on & on all fucking day. it’s frustrating for me because i get labeled as “shy” and “boring” just because i don’t feel the need to share the most mundane details of my life at top volume, like everybody else at work. whenever i have something to say, i take a minute to think if the person i’m talking to will be interested, and if the answer is no, i’ll keep it to myself. (that rule doesn’t apply on this blog, because you’re making the choice to read it!) i really don’t think that this is a really radical concept, but you’d think i were getting fellated on a cross by my co-workers reactions. people seriously tell me the details of their pets’ and kids’ bathroom habits, their conversations with their plumbers, plot synopses of TV shows i have never expressed an interest in….and yet i am considered the socially uncouth one because i try and limit what i have to say. in the grand scheme of things, it’s a relatively minor prob, i know, but it still drives me fucking crazy.
last weekend was fucking awesome, though. i went to buffalo with ray & amanda, and then ray & i continued on to geneseo, ny for my sister’s graduation. the student speaker was really radical and awesome, delivering a rousing speech about how things in this country are really fucked up, and people were on their feet and screaming and cheering and crying, it was so fucking good. and i camped by one of the finger lakes and hung out with my sister and my whole family, all five of us, ate dinner together–something that probably hasn’t happened in a decade, and we all got along, which was nice.
oh, and i was using a bathroom at a straight-college-kid environment, and i heard a man and a woman talking shit outside the door:
woman: “i have to wait because there’s a *guy* in the woman’s room!”
man: “ugh, some people.”
woman [giggles nervously]: “well, i THINK it’s a guy.”
man: “Yeah, you never know. sometimes i’m so sure it’s a guy, and then it’s not. ugh!”

so, i’d been reading lynnee breedlove’s book “one freak show” all afternoon, which talks extensively about funny/creative ways to deal with the gender police in public bathrooms, and i couldn’t let this one slide. so, after i exited the bathroom, i went up to the motherfuckers & said, in the most fake-cheerful voice i could muster, “hi, i just wanted to let you know that i heard everything you said about me. and just so you know, i know how to read, and i know what bathroom to use.” then i turned on my heel and walked back to the table, where my dad, his wife, my sister & my boyfriend were nonchalantly eating. my boyfriend said i was “white as a sheet” and i was shaking and upset. i couldn’t talk about it in front of my dad, of course, and even less so in front of his wife, but when ray & jill & i were driving to the campsite i told them & they were super supportive and it made me feel a lot better.
i have more to say, but i need to go.

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