today has been so weird

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just something in the air, co-workers snappy and freaking out in ways both amusing and scary (i particularly liked how someone screamed, on the phone, to a caller who refused to believe that our fax machine was functioning properly: “you are frustrating me! my entire day is ruined because you are stressing me out!!”). my friend pino ran into me on the street, while i was waiting for the bus, and drove me to the health food store where i bought my first divacup. there was a plethora of cops on the street & traffic was nutty, so pino dropped me off & i walked home. a car had crashed through a storefront of a ridiculously upscale glasses boutique (i live in a mostly-poor neighborhood where hardly anyone can afford these designer frames!).
i came home as the rain started & kissed my sweetheart. couldn’t explain how crazy i was feeling. i can’t explain it now. my period came at the same time as the thunderstorm & the pain in my belly feels a little like the thunderclaps. i feel connected.
changed the theme again because the other one looked too “teen”. this one reminds me of last sunday. after spending the day in the library with my boy we left to discover a food not bombs serving on the front steps. there was plenty of food, so we had some, and picked up some free bread from a trash bag. we sat under the super-old sycamore trees & talked, listened to all the interesting conversations around us, and i felt taken care of. i have issues with food not bombs–i think it’s a great idea and i’m glad that some of the food wasted in america is going into stomachs & not landfills. but my ex-lover was really involved with philly fnb and she was always breaking plans with me to do food not bombs things, no matter how much it hurt me, and i spent four years feeling like i was not as important as a box of rotten bananas, literally and figuratively. but sunday was really nice and sweet, like how i want the world to be, and i feel like i was able to put that experience behind me. lately i’ve been thinking a little more like her, a little more about how i should be putting activism before my own personal comfort. not like i am doing shit with my life right now. i’m still burned-out and i think it is okay to take some time off rather than do a half-assed stressed out job. but i am beginning to understand.

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