we run away, but we don’t know why.


saw the sun for the first time in weeks. i’m on long island now. lots of shitty familial drama already. so i got dressed, drank some coffee, processed with my stepmom, and then decided that the best thing to do in this situation would be to ride a bike around the neighborhood while listening to “the suburbs” by arcade fire. been obsessing over that album anyway, it’s been making my chest ache with the memory and emotions it brings up, things long left buried. plus it’s sonically brilliant. plus, you know, i’m in the fucking suburbs. and a common theme of that album is the act of driving around and around.
well. i don’t have a car or a license, but i do have a chrome-and-steel barely-functioning 70’s bike that my dad rescued from the trash a few years ago. he can’t stand to see a functional bike thrown out, which is one of the reasons why i love him. it’s too small for my lumbering frame, has no brakes to speak of, and has drop handlebars, which are less than ideal when you’ve got glasses that are always sliding off your face, but whatevs. we take what we can get. i rode around in the winter sunshine and thought about things. let the music wash over me. it was nice.
i want to go out again but i have to wait by the phone in case my sister calls. she’s been travelling for over 72 hours, trying to get home (she currently lives in a suburb of paris, teaching english to wee schoolchildren) but all of europe is in a snow emergency and no one knows where she is or when she’s getting home. first world problems, i know, but it’s still scary and it still sucks. my mom seems to think that calling me up yelling and crying is going to fix the situation. sigh. lil’ sis called collect from dublin, ireland last night, crying and frustrated, and no one’s heard from her since, no clue what country she’s in or if she’s okay. i like to imagine her falling in love with another frustrated traveler and laughing about this mess one day. (jill, if you’re reading this, please call home! mom is a hot mess!!)


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