Monthly Archives: April 2011

a few lists that i felt like making.

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most obsessively played songs of the past year or so, according to my ipod.

1. “cover me” -bruce springsteen (86 plays in like a year and a half since i put it on there!! not even counting the times i listened to this song on tape. um.)

2. “intervention” -arcade fire

3. “atlantic city” -bruce springsteen

4. “werewolf” -cocorosie

5. “worker’s comp”- mos def

6. “screwing yr courage” -team dresch

7. “demirep” -bikini kill

8. “rise up with fists!!!” -jenny lewis

9. “epitaph for my heart” -the magnetic fields

10. “the engine driver” -the decembrists

things i have learned recently.

1. don’t even try to master cleanse when you’re expecting your period unless you want to get really, really, really sick and miserable!

2. just because someone was really influential on you & your writing when you were younger does not mean you still have to still put their work on a pedestal when it really doesn’t speak to you anymore.

3. leaving the house, in a social context, is almost always worth it, even when it seems scary and daunting.

noteworthy events of the past month or so.

1. the feminism & zines conference yesterday at the library!

2. bread & puppets on the southside, also yesterday!

3. making a friend out of an enemy at work

4. turning 29

5. my beautiful new garlic tattoo!

6. getting ready to leave the continent for the first time ever [!!!!!!!!!!!!] and having passport-losing anxiety dreams often

7. socializing independently from my partner for the first time in a while & remembering that i can be strong & charming on my own

8. releasing a new zine & immediately starting work on another.

best google hits for this blog, as of late (in order of popularity)

1.”her fists”

2. “bad my little pony”

3. “the lonely unicorn”

4. “poland mayday freaks”

5. “lego king tut”

6. “enough already shirt”

7. “vidieo [sic] of one gay man sits on other gay man back like bike”

8. “documentation funny”

9. “unicorn tampon”

10. “flufy [sic] girl breast”

11. “do people still listen to riot grrrl”

12. “riotgrrrl i rarely post pictures of womyn anymore”

13. “damn i’m good shirt”

14. “is getting my eyebrows tattooed a bad idea” [note to googler: YES!]

15. “why don’t americans riot when things are so bad?”

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drinks & fun & apocalypse.

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so, you know how most of the time, getting drunk won’t solve anything? last night was one of those rare nights when it kind of did! i was feeling really stressed out and awful, like a tense little toad (as we say around my house) but it was my friend’s birthday and she was hanging out at the local gay bar, so i went and it was super fun, lots of peeps were buying me drinks too due to MY recent birthday, and drunkness & loudness ensued.

so fun, & kind of just what i needed. danny & i went to the diner late at night & we were giggly driving talking so fast and so loud, and i said, “i feel ALIVE again!” he said, “yeah me too,” and it was a sweet moment.

i went to bed at 1:45 and woke up at 5 to the tweeting of the birds. even though it was a mostly successful night socially, i laid awake obsessively replaying my one  faux pas of the eve. whenever i remember something stupid that i’ve said or done, i often say, “fuck!” or “blah!” to myself. i kept doing that as i replayed the moment in my head. i thought i was being quiet but then ray said, in a very exasperated tone of voice, “baby, your blah-ing is keeping me awake!” and we had a giggle.

this afternoon i was eating lunch at a certain corporate-yet-delicious burrito chain, sitting at a window facing the street, when i saw five vans with this exact message:

hmm! apparently someone has used a very confusing math equation with the bible & gotten that exact date. normally i’m one for getting at least a little scared about apocalypse hysteria, but this is just too silly. here’s an article about these people who are, uh, spreading the word…

in other fundamentalist news, i have found one of my favorite magazine articles of all time! from spin magazine, spring 1996, where elizabeth gilbert (an unknown hack at the time, now the powerhouse behind “eat pray love”) goes undercover at exodus (kind of a boot camp for ex-gays.) it’s hilarious and heartbreaking and reading it at age 14 probably shaped my queer consciousness at least a little bit.

i have so much to share, no time to write a post….

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but, a few links!

first off, remember that post i wrote a while back about that horrible situation in TX? with the 11-year-old girl, and the new york times’ victim-blaming? anyway, someone has set up a fund to help out the survivor’s family, who are going through some shitty times as a result of this incident. donate/investigate here. and please spread the word!

one of gay marriage’s most outspoken opponents publicly admits that he’s wrong. see, anyone can change!

i found this video from sesame street, about water conservation, on youtube and it was kinda cute & poignant & i felt like sharing.

also, i really loved this post about rayanne graff’s outfits.

oh, the internet.

ALSO: i really love it when pigeons come visit me at work. i just moved to a new desk with a window and it has improved my outlook on life significantly, and there’s this one pigeon who will come look at me for minutes at a time. it always makes me think of this excellent story from one of my fave books as a kid.

ALSO: livejournal just emailed me to let me know that my birthday is coming up! hee. duh! i already knew that, LJ! i will be 29 on sunday. gasp!

try as i might, i can’t think of a title

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yesterday was so good & i don’t wanna forget it. 3 separate meals with a total of 7 good friends + 4 fun strangers. eating lunch in the tiny church graveyard downtown with two planned parenthood pals, talking about speculum tattoos and other silly things, so sweet and warm and fun. then dinner party #1 in lawrenceville, hand-making tortillas from scratch with o’ryan, flipping them over as they bubble. they have a new housemate who’s over 60 and was describing her book that she just wrote, so succinctly and so well. i asked her how she did it, because i’m having a lot of trouble doing that with my book, because everyone asks what it’s about and i don’t know what to say. i’m scared of being boring. i’m scared that i won’t describe it right. she said, “i just pretend that i’m on ‘oprah’ and that she wants to put my book in her book club, and asks what it’s about!” hee. there was a dog there that i didn’t hate, which is unusual and pleasant too. and jess said that one of the tortillas i was making looked like a sad amoeba, because it had a little tear in it that looked like a downcast eye and another that looked like a frowny mouth, and you know what? she was right!

and then off to the northside for dinner party #2, lots of loud fast talking with two friends, feeling happy and safe, some mild awkwardness with the other guests but not a big effin’ deal really. yesterday felt so much like a friday that i decided to make it friday by calling in sick today even though i feel fine. so now i have a whole day to mail zines, do laundry, cook healthy meals, take care of my menstruating body, read the big pile of zines i got yesterday, daydream, go argue with my stupid worthless bank (credit unions are the way to go my friends! and once i come back from europe i will be putting all my money into my credit union account and ridding myself of this idiotic bank forever hopefully), check my PO box for the first time in months, etc. if i had gone to work i would only have had time to daydream, and maybe argue with the bank. i’m getting laid off within the next month (only temporary, until september or so [unless the government eliminates my program! last i heard they’re cutting it by half, but who knows what’s actually gonna happen with these tea party nutjobs in the house {and senate}]) so i should really work every single day available and stockpile money as much as possible, but you know what? i have missed exactly 2 days of work since i started this job on september 13th. aaaand….i need a fucking day off!

whoa i’m tired. i got a beautiful tattoo on monday, and i love it, but ever since getting it i’ve been strangely unable to sleep through the night. every single night, waking up at 4 or 5 or 6. i haven’t gotten up that early in sooo long! but isn’t it beautiful?

please ignore the fact that i look less like an aging riot grrrl and more like an aging punk/metal/rockabilly?-oh-gawd dude in this picture!

o’ryan did it, in his attic bedroom as the rain poured down so hard outside, staccato on the roof. why this? because i fucking love garlic on everything, so much, i think it’s a beautiful plant and i admire its great ability to heal. & what a nice thing to get a growing plant tattoo just as winter ends. plus there is a semi-secret reason too. you can find the fictionalized version of it in section 2, chapter 3 of my book, if it ever gets published. if not, maybe i’ll tell you some day. it’s cute. or maybe i’ll post it here anyway.

oh, i don’t even know.

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today i saw my pal jess and she said, “i stopped someone on the street who i thought was you, and i said, ‘i loved your new zine!’ and she said, ‘oh, do you think i’m ocean? i get that a lot. yeah, her zines are pretty good.'” i was like, ????!!?!?!?????! what?! how awesome, yet how weird! i don’t think i have any zine fanz in pittsburgh who look like me. i mean, i can’t imagine anyone in pittsburgh really reading my zines unless they’re one of my friends, or else the few random people who i see at zine events, but i don’t recall any of them looking like me. anyway, this anecdote was a bright spot in an otherwise depressing and frustrating day. something fairly intense has transpired in the last 48 hours, i wrote about it here but don’t really feel safe expounding on it in this blog that’s the 2nd or 3rd google hit for my name. (yes, i realize that by linking it i’ve made it accessible, but i feel like it’s less noticable for the casual scanner). it’s a fairly big deal. although who knows how permanent.

blah. i’ve been taking out my endless rage at cars.& idiots.  i didn’t yell “STOP TEXTING AND PICK UP YOUR DOG’S SHIT” to the idiotic dog owner i rode by today, but i really wanted to. i truly hate people who don’t pick up their dog’s shit and just leave it out in the sidewalks of the world for everyone else to deal with. i almost yelled it but then it caught in my throat. i did, however, yell, “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALMOST HITTING ME I REALLY APPRECIATE IT” at an SUV that almost hit me when i caught up with them a few blocks later. they nearly killed me so they could park in front of their stupid house a mere two blocks away. fuckers. that line that i yelled, reading it it sounds really fake, like nobody would ever yell anything that lengthy while cruising by on their bike, but that is actually what i said, word for word. i guess you’ll have to just believe me! imagine that.