try as i might, i can’t think of a title


yesterday was so good & i don’t wanna forget it. 3 separate meals with a total of 7 good friends + 4 fun strangers. eating lunch in the tiny church graveyard downtown with two planned parenthood pals, talking about speculum tattoos and other silly things, so sweet and warm and fun. then dinner party #1 in lawrenceville, hand-making tortillas from scratch with o’ryan, flipping them over as they bubble. they have a new housemate who’s over 60 and was describing her book that she just wrote, so succinctly and so well. i asked her how she did it, because i’m having a lot of trouble doing that with my book, because everyone asks what it’s about and i don’t know what to say. i’m scared of being boring. i’m scared that i won’t describe it right. she said, “i just pretend that i’m on ‘oprah’ and that she wants to put my book in her book club, and asks what it’s about!” hee. there was a dog there that i didn’t hate, which is unusual and pleasant too. and jess said that one of the tortillas i was making looked like a sad amoeba, because it had a little tear in it that looked like a downcast eye and another that looked like a frowny mouth, and you know what? she was right!

and then off to the northside for dinner party #2, lots of loud fast talking with two friends, feeling happy and safe, some mild awkwardness with the other guests but not a big effin’ deal really. yesterday felt so much like a friday that i decided to make it friday by calling in sick today even though i feel fine. so now i have a whole day to mail zines, do laundry, cook healthy meals, take care of my menstruating body, read the big pile of zines i got yesterday, daydream, go argue with my stupid worthless bank (credit unions are the way to go my friends! and once i come back from europe i will be putting all my money into my credit union account and ridding myself of this idiotic bank forever hopefully), check my PO box for the first time in months, etc. if i had gone to work i would only have had time to daydream, and maybe argue with the bank. i’m getting laid off within the next month (only temporary, until september or so [unless the government eliminates my program! last i heard they’re cutting it by half, but who knows what’s actually gonna happen with these tea party nutjobs in the house {and senate}]) so i should really work every single day available and stockpile money as much as possible, but you know what? i have missed exactly 2 days of work since i started this job on september 13th. aaaand….i need a fucking day off!

whoa i’m tired. i got a beautiful tattoo on monday, and i love it, but ever since getting it i’ve been strangely unable to sleep through the night. every single night, waking up at 4 or 5 or 6. i haven’t gotten up that early in sooo long! but isn’t it beautiful?

please ignore the fact that i look less like an aging riot grrrl and more like an aging punk/metal/rockabilly?-oh-gawd dude in this picture!

o’ryan did it, in his attic bedroom as the rain poured down so hard outside, staccato on the roof. why this? because i fucking love garlic on everything, so much, i think it’s a beautiful plant and i admire its great ability to heal. & what a nice thing to get a growing plant tattoo just as winter ends. plus there is a semi-secret reason too. you can find the fictionalized version of it in section 2, chapter 3 of my book, if it ever gets published. if not, maybe i’ll tell you some day. it’s cute. or maybe i’ll post it here anyway.

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