so. i was in the woods all “weekend” (it was thursday & friday which is not a weekend at all) and it was very rejuvenating & wholesome. just being out in the woods with ladies, all ladies, no couple energy or drama. 2 who i knew very well & 2 who i don’t really know. different levels. being both my engaged, funny, chatty self and my quiet introspective self and feeling like both were okay. when i was introspective i thought up lots of escape plans. i don’t know if i’ll use any, but i am just so unsure about my life right now & which direction i want to head in. i know the sensible thing to do would be to work at LIHEAP for at least one more heating season and stockpile some money before i go do any drastic life changes. but i’m tired of doing the sensible thing.
came home to some upsetting minor drama but after processing curled up in my boyfriend’s arms i feel better. although still not good. tomorrow i will be in washington DC. the day after, NYC. then long island and NYC and long island again, then the long c-town bus ride back home. but what is home, and where? i feel like i can leave pittsburgh & still come back, that i’ll still be welcomed back with open arms. maybe this is delusional. maybe it’s a lie i tell myself to get through the day. really, though, is that so bad?