these past few days have been all about escape. a magical ride to DC with my new friend katie. we were stuck in stopped traffic for nearly two hours and we thought about picking wildflowers and handing them out to people. we thought of turning up the radio, getting out of the car, and dancing. but something didn’t feel quite right about either of those plans, plus katie had to pee really badly and was worried that any sudden movement might not be a good idea. so we didn’t. and we were both sad about it. but instead we talked candidly about our lives, the kind of conversation you can have only with someone who you don’t know very well but connect with anyway. that naked honesty between almost-strangers. when was the last time it happened? it’s been so long.
after midnight we arrived in katie’s magical collective house and drank lemon balm & mint tea made with leaves that she’d just picked from the garden. i felt really happy & safe, so far away from all the bullshit, so glad that life had led me to this point. i’d never had tea made from fresh leaves before but now i feel that i will crave it my whole life. that exact taste, the exact feeling. the next day we biked madly around DC and i ate a truly great falafel and saw some good art for free at the national art museum (or whatever it’s called. you know)
watching the NYC skyline rush towards me from the smudgy window of a chinatown bus i felt elated. only word for it. i was dancing in my seat to a certain cheesy pop song about NYC on my ipod, literally squirming with anticipation for getting out there.
the whole ride up from DC, i had been exchanging shy smiles across the aisle with a cute boy. he had helped me throw my bike under the bus when we were getting on. i had a vision of him helping me wrestle the bike out when we got off in manhattan, and telling him that he had a dazzling smile & then asking him if he wanted to go get indian food on the lower east side with me. “but how will we get there?” i imagined him asking, and then i imagined directing him onto the seat of my bike as i pedaled furiously up the allen street greenway with both of us, and how that would just be the start of a ridiculously fun evening…
but, of course, that didn’t happen. the chinatown bus mysteriously dropped us off in midtown (??!) which would have been ridiculously convenient ANY OTHER time i’d ever taken it, but of course this time i had a bike and was looking forward to riding it. cute bus boy didn’t get off in midtown for some reason, and he didn’t even look at me as i disembarked. even though the bus dumped me literally EXACTLY where i needed to go i still rode 30 blocks downtown to get takeout from red bamboo, just because i could! and floated high on the sweet attraction of a stranger. i sure needed that reminder that some people think i am attractive and not just awful.
this past week in pittsburgh has been pretty awful, by the way. LOTS of drama in my community & also in my life. it sucks. my house feels really awful to me right now, i mean the energy. but i’m scared of sage & smudging & i don’t know what to do to change it. katie suggested throwing out my couch, as a lot of bad things have happened on it recently. but what would we sit on? & what would houseguests sleep on?
but maybe when i get home i will air it out. when i get home i will work on my book & on creating a more meaningful life. i promise, i promise, i promise.