like a microfiche vacation

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this summer has been, um, wild. a lot of my life has been shaken up & a lot of roads have been opened. since getting laid off on june 2nd, i’ve gone to the philly trans health conference, planned & booked a zine tour of the midwest (starting aug. 6th! hello cleveland, madison, [hopefully] chicago, milwaukee, [hopefully] minneapolis, [hopefully] detroit!).

there have been TWO instances of queer-on-queer physical violence in my community, which haven’t affected me directly but have affected people i care about, & it’s a shitty thing that shouldn’t be happening.

i went back to NY for the longest stretch of time since moving away from there in 2007. i didn’t want to leave. i got my hair cut in the middle of the NYC pride parade. i read my novel to a bunch of ladies & queers on the lower east side.

i went through a lot of relationship drama & came very close to breaking up with my partner several times. i quit drinking, again. i went swimming a lot (and got thrown out of the pool on sunday because the lifeguard disliked my bathing suit!) i had a total of 5 houseguests (& 4 zine librarians who  didn’t sleep over, but did play with some kittens on my living room floor!). i’ve had a lot of really hot sex. i got invited to lead a workshop at a women/feminist writers conference in new york!  i helped my partner celebrate his 25th birthday, and we had a really magical day, and i was full of intense love for him & our friends. that same day, i nearly got in a car accident. we were fine–i screamed & the driver of the car i was in slammed on the brakes right before that other car went careening into my door. it was one of those near-misses where nothing actually happens but you are all acutely aware of how close you came to dying. how close you were, but something stopped it.

i thought about running away a lot, and made some semi-serious plans. but i’m sticking with pittsburgh, with my home & partner & community, for now. i’ve had a lot of really sweet and beautiful moments in those times too. good moments with friends, fun dancey giggly gossipy times, a talk in the hammock with my sweetheart that changed our lives a little bit.

i had a really good bike ride in the rain with amanda and i went to troy hill for the first time, to o’ryan and radio’s new house that feels like the middle of the woods. amanda got a tattoo from o’ryan. that was july 8th. since i keep a 5-year diary i learned that on july 8, 2010, i got a tattoo from o’ryan too. it was after this really awful incident at work, where my co-worker said that he wished that women with abusive partners would be killed and everyone laughed. i got a cute tattoo from o’ryan and then went home and cried hysterically in my lover’s arms. my life is so different now. so different from that day.

i am glad that things are shaken up a bit. it’s been really difficult, but it needed to happen. it seems like everyone is having a really intense summer. the rut, blowing up. it’s a good thing, mostly. i am trying to stay strong & brave. trying to love boldly and grab life by the horns again.

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5 responses »

  1. man, this post is so good. my life has been shaken up recently and i, too, am so fucking glad to have my life shaken up. now things are getting interesting. we gotta deal with things in the present and maybe just sit with them and ride them through.

    • thank you SO MUCH for this comment. of course, immediately after posting this, things got really fucked up and horrible again, and this was a nice reminder to keep on keepin’ on…

  2. well, thank you to you for keep on writing! your most recent post about break up coincided with a break up that i had. ha ha. but shifts in life, just never know what will happen next. i really really really appreaciate reading the sentiments of loss and just trying to remember something but u know it isn’t coming back from your most recent post. hope things are just moving u know…. or something like that

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