this summer has been, um, wild. a lot of my life has been shaken up & a lot of roads have been opened. since getting laid off on june 2nd, i’ve gone to the philly trans health conference, planned & booked a zine tour of the midwest (starting aug. 6th! hello cleveland, madison, [hopefully] chicago, milwaukee, [hopefully] minneapolis, [hopefully] detroit!).
there have been TWO instances of queer-on-queer physical violence in my community, which haven’t affected me directly but have affected people i care about, & it’s a shitty thing that shouldn’t be happening.
i went back to NY for the longest stretch of time since moving away from there in 2007. i didn’t want to leave. i got my hair cut in the middle of the NYC pride parade. i read my novel to a bunch of ladies & queers on the lower east side.
i went through a lot of relationship drama & came very close to breaking up with my partner several times. i quit drinking, again. i went swimming a lot (and got thrown out of the pool on sunday because the lifeguard disliked my bathing suit!) i had a total of 5 houseguests (& 4 zine librarians who didn’t sleep over, but did play with some kittens on my living room floor!). i’ve had a lot of really hot sex. i got invited to lead a workshop at a women/feminist writers conference in new york! i helped my partner celebrate his 25th birthday, and we had a really magical day, and i was full of intense love for him & our friends. that same day, i nearly got in a car accident. we were fine–i screamed & the driver of the car i was in slammed on the brakes right before that other car went careening into my door. it was one of those near-misses where nothing actually happens but you are all acutely aware of how close you came to dying. how close you were, but something stopped it.
i thought about running away a lot, and made some semi-serious plans. but i’m sticking with pittsburgh, with my home & partner & community, for now. i’ve had a lot of really sweet and beautiful moments in those times too. good moments with friends, fun dancey giggly gossipy times, a talk in the hammock with my sweetheart that changed our lives a little bit.
i had a really good bike ride in the rain with amanda and i went to troy hill for the first time, to o’ryan and radio’s new house that feels like the middle of the woods. amanda got a tattoo from o’ryan. that was july 8th. since i keep a 5-year diary i learned that on july 8, 2010, i got a tattoo from o’ryan too. it was after this really awful incident at work, where my co-worker said that he wished that women with abusive partners would be killed and everyone laughed. i got a cute tattoo from o’ryan and then went home and cried hysterically in my lover’s arms. my life is so different now. so different from that day.
i am glad that things are shaken up a bit. it’s been really difficult, but it needed to happen. it seems like everyone is having a really intense summer. the rut, blowing up. it’s a good thing, mostly. i am trying to stay strong & brave. trying to love boldly and grab life by the horns again.