hard times require furious dancing


this past week, not one, not two, not three, but FOUR people from my past that i honestly never thought i’d hang out with again have come back into my life. 2 were people who i didn’t have any major drama with, just mutual friendship neglecting, but i saw them at occupy pgh and we reconnected so hard, so fiercely, on the exact ten year anniversary of us meeting each other. one of them said, i know i’m a drug addict, i’m getting help, and i didn’t realize how much i needed to hear that from her until she said it. didn’t realize how much i wanted it and how much i thought it would never happen.

person #3 is someone who was involved in a very bad situation with me a long time ago in philly, and she sent me a facebook message asking if i’m the ocean that used to live at a certain house, and i said yes. this is a situation where i and my friends were very clearly in the wrong, and if she wanted to contact me just to say, “FUCK YOU!” it would be perfectly valid. but she didn’t contact me to say that, she contacted me to say hi. and that she is sorry we met in such a bad way. and hello again.

person #4 is perhaps the most amazing, my ex-housemate/bestfriend who many of you know. we had a huge falling out, and as i hugged him goodbye at the bus stop at 46th and butler four januaries ago i thought, “i will never see this person again.” i mourned him violently, as if he had died, because he felt so dead to me.

but he isn’t dead. and last week he sent me a message saying he’d be in pittsburgh and he wanted to see me. he said i’m sorry for what happened. he said i miss you so much. he said hello, old friend.

and it was amazing. what that did to me. a sincere heartfelt apology. it erased so much of the anger and resentment, most of which was already gone anyway. and last night we proved that bus stop prophecy wrong. we sat on a couch at a dingy bar, pounding back drinks like good children of alcoholics, our knees touching, and we talked like nothing had ever happened. he said something about my current situation that comforted me in a way nobody has been able to comfort me. and we were right there with each other, our intense parallel aries lives still parallel even though we hadn’t talked about them in so long. it filled a hole in my heart that i hadn’t even noticed was there.

and oh, we danced, me and him and amanda and nate too, so wildly and furiously. the title of this post is also the title of an alice walker book. it’s true, man, it’s true. and now i’m at work, stinky & on four hours of sleep, but it was worth it. so worth it.

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