Tag Archives: queers

make a little money, take a lot of shit. feel real bad, then get over it.

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i just re-read that drunk blog post, and i was impressed by how non-embarrassing it was. a little on the intense side, maybe revealing things that i wouldn’t normally, but i didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. i didn’t even really have any typos, and i am delighted that there is an editor who lives deep within my brain that never gets drunk or falls asleep at the switch!
yesterday i went to a haunted hayride with a bunch of loud queerz about 1/2 an hour outside of pgh. a lot of the ghouls/spooks/poltergeists/what-have-you who worked there were making fun of our gender identities. mostly it was really confusing. one person called robin (cute, tough alterna-butch with nary a shred of facial hair) “a bearded lady with a six-foot beard.” even more confusingly, some guy told jen that she reminded him of “one of those guys who takes birth control pills to fit into his skinny jeans.” it’s like, WTF??!? what does that even mean?
somebody else went up to jen a little later and said, in a “spooky”, witch-like voice, “i can’t tell if you’re a boy or a girl!” to which jen replied, in a calm, sassy, friendly voice: “i have no problem with that!” then the spook said something else, i forget what exactly, but it was along the same lines as her previous comment. and jen said, “seriously, whatever gender you want to perceive me as is fine with me. i really don’t care.” disappointed, the spook went on to look for someone else to heckle.
some of the peeps in attendance had been at the protest against accused rapist ben rothlisberger earlier that day, and said they also received lots of confusing insults all day, like “get a job!” and “you’re losers, i’m a WINNER!” and even “whoooo! PITTSBURGH!!!!!” screamed in their faces by people who were wasted at 11 AM. but, like at the haunted hayride, the insults weren’t that insulting because they were just confusing. because we’re in a different world sometimes.
the last time i saw moe bowstern she was talking about how she spends a lot of time in spaces that are really alien to her, and so her way of dealing with it is simply to pretend that she’s an alien, and think to herself, “oh, isn’t this an interesting planet? and aren’t these interesting people, even though their motivations and desires are totally different than mine?” i’m paraphrasing, of course, and don’t really remember the point that i was trying to make with all this.
maybe here’s the point: a combination of last night + reading alice walker at lunch today made me knocked over with emotion, with love & pride for people who aren’t afraid to be radical. made me remember that even though i spend every day being told that i am wrong for everything i do, in a million subtle ways; even though everything feels so hopeless; even though all the clothing companies and magazines and TV shows say that i am not a woman, that i’m doing it all wrong, even, even after that: i am not fucking ashamed of myself for being who i am, and how i am. i wish i could write specifically what that felt like, after so long spent apologetic & quiet this year. but. i can’t show you, only tell, that it was fucking amazing, and if you haven’t had a revelation like that yet, i hope you have one soon.

p-r-i-d-e!

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okay, so, usually i dislike pride a lot. i’ve never had a genuinely good time before, it’s usually painfully hot (or, during the philly dyke march, 60 degrees and pouring rain), and i am socially anxious and see all manner of annoying people.

but in places like pgh, being openly queer is far more important than it is in new york or even philly. so i went to pride and i actually had an amazing time. i am far too tired to write anything coherant about it, so here is a list of random highlights:

*freakin’ out the squares downtown, maaann

*someone in my party coming up with the term “lesbiyinz”

*mis-reading someone’s “lesbians for obama” shirt as “lesbians for drama.” i nearly fell over because that’s so goddamn honest and i am not used to such unleashed honesty in shirt form. (anyone who has even a passing acquaintance with lesbians knows that there ain’t no drama like lesbo drama cuz lesbo drama don’t stop!)

*milkshakes!

*productive processing at the lesbian bar

*buying a whole pile of really cute dresses at a yard sale that actually fit (which NEVER happens) and having a fashion show

*dancing with ladies, turning acquaintances into friends

*having this boring generic lesbian hit on me while i was leaning against a wall on the dancefloor by seductively running her glow stick throughout the length of my body, starting at my collar bone, going between my breasts and ending about an inch below my belly button. needless to say, i was not turned on, as this girl a) was not my type at all b) earlier had asked me if i would hate her if she peed in the bathroom sink! c) used a fucking glow stick as a means of seduction! her best friend, a long-haired butch, started yelling at me. “man, that’s my best friend! why aren’t you going for it? she’s so hot!” i was like, “uh, she’s not really my type. i kinda like, um, butch-er girls.” LHB/BFF was all, “like me?” and i was like, “no.” and then she became indignant, yelling, “come on, man! i’m just trying to hook you up! it’s pride weekend! i’m being so nice and you’re being so mean, etc.” eventually they gave up on me, much to my delight.

*meeting a girl who lives in the house that i came extremely close to moving into! i always always wonder what my life would be like if i’d lived there, and now i have a potential new friend who lives there!

*afterhours events in lawrenceville=hee hee hee hee hee. i can’t really elaborate further as anyone can read this blog, but i will say it was just the ridiculous adventure that i wanted to have this weekend.

*dreaming that the march started at 2 and waking up at 12:30 and realizing that, in reality, it started at noon. and i missed it!

*running into branden and aaryn just as they were leaving & branden’s mom was getting a pic taken with some leatherdaddies

*seeing a generic dyke wearing a shirt with a pride flag that said, “these colors don’t run!”

*sitting on the curb eating frenchfries and looking for friends, i was seated next to an older gay dude. a man with a handlebar mustache came up to him and said, in a very dignified voice, “what are you, some kind of guttersnipe? why are you on the curb!?” i will try and use the word “guttersnipe” as much as is humanly possible from now on.

*defying the one-at-a-time rules for the bouncy slide and jumping off holding hands with ali’s girlfriend colleen. scraping the fuck out of my elbow & getting yelled at by the attendant but still glad i did it.

*seeing this super-awesome queer youth theatre group, featuring lesbian twins whose mom was wearing TWO buttons that say “i love my lesbian daughter”!!!!!!! so cute!

*meeting a man wearing this beautifully drawn home-made shirt that said “hugs 4 free” or something like that. hugging him and having him give me a pamphlet (pulled from a fanny pack, of course) that he’d made listing “hug facts” like “the human body needs four hugs a day for survival!”

riding my bike home through the strip district i realized that i have become my best self within the past year. i’m not really sure how or why that’s happened, but i am glad that it did.